DEAR ELEPHANT: Lodge Your Random Complaints Here...

[iiipopes]

Dear Elephant,
Why is there an inverse correlation between the economic value of the convertible and the subjective beauty of the female driving it?

[The Jackson]

Dear elephant:

This morning, only nine of my bath maidens came to anoint me. The other two were apparently "sick with the polio". Sometimes I feel like life is just against me, y'know?

[Ace]

Dear Elephant

Last night I was practicing my tuba and thinking, "Damn, I'm good". Then I heard a rock thrown against my window, and saw a mob of surly neighbors advancing with rakes, torches, and pitchforks. Saw my doctor this morning. He said I'd be out of the hospital in only seven weeks.

Ace hit by a spade

[The Jackson]

Ace hit by a spade

Welcome to the club!

[k001k47]

Dear elephant:

You have cooler tubas than me. I want cool tubas too. They'll make me play faster notes and have a galaxy class sound.

[bisontuba]

Dear Elephant-

I am tired of cleaning litter boxes for my cats--how do I train them to use the toilet?

Sincerely,

The 'Litter King'

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Elephant,

A bee almost stung me.

[Chadtuba]

Dear Elephant,

My HS choir students don't listen to me. Will you come be mean to them?

[windshieldbug]

The last desk violas.

(There, I said it. But how are they gunna get lodged in the appropriate part of an elephant)

[windshieldbug]

Dear elephant:

Someone keeps putting ants in my lunch.

John

Dear John,
If you don't like your lunch that badly, just stop taking it and the you can go back to just ants.
I mean, "duh!"

[Mark]

Dear Elephant:

I am sick and tired of people wasting space on TubeNet by posting silly messages. Please help.

[rocksanddirt]

Dear Elephant:

Whilst doing the dishes this evening, an observation was made by me that two day old refried beans in a bowl with water is a pretty vile textured concoction. How can I get others in the house to do the dishes, so I don't have to feel that stuff?

[Chuck Jackson]

Dear Elephant,

I'm sick of this clique of people named "They". Who are they and what do they want?

Chuck"they told me to write this"Jackson

[iiipopes]

Dear Elephant,

I'm sick of this clique of people named "They". Who are they and what do they want?
Chuck"they told me to write this"Jackson

Indeed. I am always having to remind every single member of my family, both immediate and extended, to DEFINE YOUR ANTECEDENT PRONOUNS! How can I get them to actually start doing that. Starting off with the mysterious "They..." would get an automatic "F" grade in every speech, debate and English class I ever attended.

DEAR ELEPHANT:
PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE bring back Hydrox cookies. Oreos are too d@mn sicky-sweet and not chocolately enough.

I also absolutely agree as well. Much richer chocolate taste.

[bearphonium]

Dear Elephant,
I like Oreos and never cared for Hydrox. I feel like an outcast. Can you help?
Ally"who also prefers the GrapeNuts with vanilla yogurt"

[windshieldbug]

Dear Elephant,

Why does one park one's car in a driveway and drive one's car on a parkway?

Concerned

[Mark]

Dear Elephant,

Since Oreos are clearly better than Hydrox, are Double Stuff twice as good?

[Mark]

Dear Elephant,

Even though I have made my hat out of high quality aluminum, I am still receiving signals from the FBI. What can I do?

[ken k]

DEAR ELEPHANT:

PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE bring back Hydrox cookies. Oreos are too d@mn sicky-sweet and not chocolately enough.

and what is the big deal with the double stuff anyway????

[ken k]

Dear Elephant, I have this lingering fear of pachyderms, what can I do???