DEAR ELEPHANT: Lodge Your Random Complaints Here...

[Rev Rob]

Dear Elephant,

It is zero out (Fahrenheit) and my wife wants me to make a dump run. Do you think it is too cold to make a dump run? Your advice can save my marriage.

Desperate and cold

[k001k47]

DEAR ELEPHANT: Do nudists have to use the airport scanners too? If not, that's not very fair.

[bort]

DEAR ELEPHANT:

I keep seeing signs everywhere for "Emergency Exit." Where is the "Emergency Entrance"!?

[windshieldbug]

Dear Elephant,

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
So where is it, exactly?

Lost in translation

[MartyNeilan]

dear mr. elephant,

i hate when i run the dishwasher, and one or two plastic cups on the top rack flip over and become filled with hot water and those nasty little food particles.

[bort]

My biggest pet peeve of all has got to be... misplaced apostrophes. Like when people write "Book's for sale" it's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me.

[OldsRecording]

YOU BUNCH OF WHINERS! POST MORE COMPLAINTS!

Dear Elephant- Why is it that people who start threads asking for random complaints suddenly change their mind?

[tubatooter1940]

Dear Elephant,
I got cutworms in my hollyhocks again.
I can't loose weight and I keep tripping over things because I can't see where my toes are.
toots

[MartyNeilan]

YOU BUNCH OF WHINERS! POST MORE COMPLAINTS!

OK, here is my favorite, and I have previously posted it elsewhere on the site -
Someone holds the door open for you (which I didn't need, anyway, I can open the door myself)
BUT
They only open the door partway AND they are standing in front of the door, not holding it from behind.
This makes it virtually impossible to fit through the doorway with a large horn without bumping them or the doorway.
AND, they have this huge grin on their face the whole time, like they are doing you some great favor.

[windshieldbug]

Dear Elephant,

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

[Homerun]

Dear Elephant,

My little cousin wants a Barbie for Christmas. If she is so dang popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

[Teubonium]

YOU BUNCH OF WHINERS! POST MORE COMPLAINTS!

My complaint is about people who post in all upper case!!

[Mark]

Why can't some people hear that they are out-of-tune with the rest of the group. I was subbing in a to-remain-nameless orchestra and a certain string section was actually making me cringe it was so out-of-tune with itself.

[windshieldbug]

Why can't some people hear that they are out-of-tune with the rest of the group. I was subbing in a to-remain-nameless orchestra and a certain string section wwas actually making me cringe it was so out-of-tune with itself.

Those are called tone clusters, as in cluster-f#@%

[Homerun]

Why can't some people hear that they are out-of-tune with the rest of the group. I was subbing in a to-remain-nameless orchestra and a certain string section wwas actually making me cringe it was so out-of-tune with itself.

Those are called tone clusters, as in cluster-f#@%

HA!

[rocksanddirt]

Dear Elephant:

Today I found a copy of some christmas arrangements you did a couple years ago, why have you not also provided the remainder of a quartet or quintet to play them with me?

[tubbba]

YOU BUNCH OF WHINERS! POST MORE COMPLAINTS!

My complaint is about people who post in all upper case!!

:

In space, no one can hear you scream.

On the internet, there's "Caps Lock".

[MartyNeilan]

On the internet, there's "Caps Lock".

[arminhachmer]

My biggest pet peeve of all has got to be... misplaced apostrophes. Like when people write "Book's for sale" it's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me.

Argh. My favorite is when people use a hyphen where a comma or a period needs to be.
OK. One more. Long , complicated, hyphenated names with no hyphen shown.

[arminhachmer]

DEAR ELEPHANT;
Someone approached me today ...What did they mean by that?

Obviously, that they are disturbed by their lack of eyesight!

Ah..."I think, therefore i am" stupid?
Don't think about it.