what do i do with two retarded cats?

[Ames0325]

uhh take them to an animal shelter and get a smarter more trainable out door pet such as a Lab and spend a lot of time teaching it to behave. Other than that you have to be very consistent when you are training animals or they won't change their behaviors. In my experience cats in general aren't the smartest animals.

Amy

[ThomasDodd]

In my experience cats in general aren't the smartest animals.

Cats are quite inteligent. They are just very independent. They don't care to make you happy. They decide when they want attention from you. And they are virtually untrainable. Not completely, but close.

[Dan Schultz]

My two cats are very smart. They meet me at the door... sit in my lap or on my shoulder while I work at the computer... and come when they are called. They have never broken anything. About the only thing that they could do better is change their own litterbox.

Perhaps you could fashion your two dummies into a nice pair of oven mits!

[Leland]

Yeah, at least with dogs, they at least do what you tell them to do. Cats just dont care about crap, and do what they want to do.

-tubachris85

from "I Am The Cat, Don't Forget That" by Roy Blount, Jr. -

When I purr

Don't infer

It's because you pat.

No, you pat

Because I purr.

I am the cat,

Don't forget that.

Heard it in the radio once and thought it was pretty cool.

[Chuck(G)]

I've had cats on and off pretty much all my life. No purebreds, like Siamese or Manx, just plain old American mongrel shorthairs. Calicos, like my current 13 year old female, can be very weird and incredibly stupid. I've seen her sitting out in the front yard swatting at members of a family of raccoons. I suspect that she doesn't know that she's food to them in lean times...

I once discovered a mouse in our garage and thought this was a perfect opportunity for my cat (who was then leaving presents of dead shrews on the porch). She observed the mouse, became disinterested after about an hour and walked away.

I took one of the dogs (a Golden Retriever) to the garage and set him loose and he had the mouse caught, killed and eaten in 30 seconds.

When we were reforesting some clearcut land up the road, we had an outbreak of voles, which would chew the bark off seedlings. Once I introduced the dogs to the delicacy of fat vole al fresco, they took care of the problem in about a month. I personally witnessed our female Golden catch and eat six of the buggers in a single morning. Squeak! crunch, crunch...

Cats=mighty predators, my foot! I'll take a good dog any day.

[Dan Schultz]

Henry- fond of dogs, cats, tubas, trumpets, and saxophones.

SAXOPHONES!?
What?
Where are your priorities?
Git a rope!

Hey! I like saxophones! They make great lamps! ... specially those cute little curvy soprano ones.

[jlbreyer]

The difference between a dog and a cat:

A dog will (mostly) come to you when you call it.

A cat will (maybe) take your number and get back to you later.

[Captain Sousie]

Just today the retarded kitten knocked the whole christmas tree down(we still need to get rid of it)

Cats hate things that are out of place in a house. If you put up a tree or add a bookshelf, cats tend to try to remove/destroy it because it is an object that they deem out of place. That has been my experience. Especially if the tree or other object is in 'their spot'.

Sousie

[funkcicle]

a friend of mine has a cat that was born completely blind. The cat is about 6 years old now and knows her way all around the house.. even runs room to room like a sighted cat would, slowing down at doorways "just in case". if you pick her up and put her down somewhere else she'll walk in concentric circles to get her bearing, which usually takes only 5 or 10 seconds. She responds to voice and is very affectionate.. and is just as adventurous as any cat I've ever seen(though you can't make her chase the laser-pen). One amazing animal!

[tubatooter1940]

I had no use for cats until my wife mooched this three year old male from her sister.She said this one had character.I couldn't tell until we took the cat sailing.This guy is no help until the sails and anchor are down and all is quiet.He starts out by jettisioning all chow from both ends (using his cat box that I keep stepping in),but after that he is the best watch cat one could hope for.If a boat comes close by or if it starts to rain and the hatches are open he jumps on my chest and wakes me up.He seems to know what is irregular going on in an anchorage and I am always glad when he wakes me.Tied to a dock he jumps off our boat after dark and jumps onto every boat in the marina.Charlie is a pretty cat and the other boaters don't seem to mind when he leaps aboard thier boats.He is also a good mouser.
A cat convert,
tubatooter1940

[hurricane_harry]

well last year we just obtained a new cat. my little siter goes to the animal shelter looking for a kitten, she comes back with a fur-ball. cats a persian, we got him half off because he has herpes . i was unaware that cats were capable of being so stupid. the justification was "he lived in a cage all his life, hes just getting used to such a big open space." with-in the first few weeks we got him hilarity ensued. he'd run into walls, slide across the kitchen floor, and if you made any sudden movements while he was under the coffee table he'd just up and give himself a pretty good welt on the noggin. along with this, the first time we started a fire in the fireplace, HE TRIED TO JUMPED IN . but in his defence, this is the sweetest most affectionate cat you will ever meet, just a little bit slow.

[Chuck(G)]

a friend of mine has a cat that was born completely blind. The cat is about 6 years old now and knows her way all around the house.. even runs room to room like a sighted cat would, slowing down at doorways "just in case". if you pick her up and put her down somewhere else she'll walk in concentric circles to get her bearing, which usually takes only 5 or 10 seconds. She responds to voice and is very affectionate.. and is just as adventurous as any cat I've ever seen(though you can't make her chase the laser-pen). One amazing animal!

My wife and I volunteer with a Golden Retriever rescue group. We've seen blind dogs that will even play fetch by listening for the sound of the ball. All in all, blindness doesn't seem to bother a dog as much as it does a cat.

Our male golden isn't blind, but I think he's terribly nearsignted. He relies on our young female for navigational aid when it comes to chasing balls and finding owners.

So, dogs is very smart too..

[Dylan King]

Cats don't care what people say or want. They are intent on running their own lives. Occasionally I will blow smoke in their general direction to mellow them out.

[funkcicle]

Cats don't care what people say or want. They are intent on running their own lives. Occasionally I will blow smoke in their general direction to mellow them out.

Would that be catnip smoke?

[JB]

Sell them to tha china man working at Ton's Chinese Grill.

I'm sure he'd take them.

"...tha china man working at Ton's Chinese Grill..."

Kid, you have a LOT to learn about this world.

I'm sorry, but that statement has just gone WAY too far over the line.

Insulting, derogatory, racist, discriminatory, ignorant...

[JB]

...You're going to wear yourself out hating folks over a little bit of nothing...

besides, I've never had any cat tell me that they get upset by racist, derogatory, discriminatory, insulting, ignorant anti-cat jokes.

Nah, I'm not the one hating folks; not really my nature. And sorry, I must disagree that it was "over a little bit of nothing."

We both know it wasn't aimed at the cat, rather the "china man working at Ton's Chinese Grill" statement. That's a very nasty stereotype, perhaps out of a person too young to really know about the rascist connotations (if really stretching the benefit of the doubt, but I do not believe such is the case), but it is truly insulting.
Perhaps not to you, but certainly to others.

...Sell the cows to the white man at Billy Bob's Burger Joint..

honestly the same thing. with different nouns.

With all due respect, I do not read it as being the same thing.

[JB]

I do.

cow=cat

white man=china man

billy bob's burger joint=ton's chinese grill

Your use of "white man + billy bob's burger joint" doesn't have any of the attached implications that your other choice does.

Okay, to carry this substition idea one final step further, what if...

china man = Indian

cat = scalp

(skip the joint...)

Would you not think that someone might be offended by perpetuating a very bad and ill-deserved stereotype?

To make it blatently obvious, what if you substituted...

china man = Indian = black person

cat = scalp = watermelon

Would that not be offensive?

In modern-day usage of he English language, your use of the term "china man" is considered derogatory. Suggesting that those who own and run restaurants that serve oriental cuisine cook and eat cats is offensive. That is perpetuating a very unfair stereotype. Same as the last example above.


Check out http://www.vrx.net/aar/

[JB]

http://www.townhall.com/columnists/walt ... 0202.shtml

To quote your own response elsewhere:

blah, blah, blah...


Time to go watch some football Mr Bloke.

[JB]

That sounds like something only retarded cats would do.

That made me laugh.

Seems like that may be where most others are, leaving a select few here.
At least the thread returned to the original topic.


On the topic of the cats, have you considered the microwave?

[JB]

On the topic of the cats, have you considered the microwave?

http://www.peta.org/

http://www.hsus.org/

Very, very good.