Tuba-Playing Offspring Duet Problem

[saktoons]

After six years of playing alto sax (and doing it extremely well), my daughter announced last summer that the high school marching band needed more tuba players and that she wanted to take tuba lessons. (I worked really hard to contain my pride and glee... I didn't want her to think her old man actually thought it was great, killing the idea immediately.) So, last season, she marched with my Bohm-Meinl small Sousaphone (which the band calls "The Tiny Tuba"), she's using her (used to be mine) VMI 2103 for lessons and ensembles, and has started using my 20J for pep band. She is amazingly good for someone who has been playing for less than a year. In fact, her HS band director called us after her first scales test to let us know that he was "blown away".

Why am I posting this? Well, of course, I am proud. But there is a problem. She will not let me pick up my horn and play with her when she's practicing...ever! I ask "Hey, you want to try something together?" and the answer is always "No. Not now." We have done piano-sax playing all the time, but tuba-tuba playing just doesn't seem to be in the cards. She'll do duets with her tuba teacher, but not with her old man.

<*sigh*> So I guess I just sit back, listen, and smile inwardly.

[TubaBob]

Get the teacher to ask you to play a duet during the lesson.

[thattubachick]

Sounds pretty typical for a teenager to be honest. I remember when I was in high school I didn't want to do collaborate with my parents or my brother on anything. Not because I didn't love them or anything but just because it seemed weird... (I don't think so anymore though). Plus I always felt a little added pressure when I was doing something I knew my dad cared about so much (for him it was painting), what if I just wasn't as into it? Would I be letting him down? What if we ended up in a math-homework-esque screaming match and I ruined the thing he loved forever? Now that I'm older I know that sounds crazy, but such is the mind of a teenager girl.

I wouldn't read too much into it though.

[royjohn]

As the parent of two grown children, two grown step children and a teen-aged former foster child, and as a thirty year veteran counselor, I sympathize . . . but one of my step children plays guitar (by himself) and none of the others plays at all right now, so I would say, "what a lovely problem to have."

I think, in time, if she continues playing tuba, she'll let you play with her.

[Ken Herrick]

Just the idea of her "following in your footsteps" says a LOT about the respect she must have for you. Be very happy about that and let her decide where it all goes from this point.

Just sit back and ENJOY.

[kontrabass]

I saw the same thing happen on an episode of Gene Simmons of KISS fame's reality show "Family Jewels".
(the only episode I watched, and I was sick, or something, insert your own excuse here...)

Gene's teenage son was starting his own band. Gene came in with his bass to have some fun and show the kids a thing or two. He was promptly kicked out of the garage by his son.
You're not alone...

[saktoons]

Oh great. Now I'm in company with Gene Simmons. And here I thought couldn't have felt any worse...