Dear community band Eb tuba guy...

[b.williams]

Never mind ...

[Bob Kolada]

Oh dear...

[Biggs]

Your vintage three banger sounds like s _ _ _ !!! You f _ _ _ _ _ _ can't play in tune to save your G _ _ d _ _ f _ _ _ _ _ __ life!!!!!!!!! Learn how to play in tune or I will tear your f _ _ _ _ _ _ _ head off and s_ _ _ down your G _ _ d _ _ f _ _ _ _ _ _ throat!!!!!!

Wait, we're in the same band?

[tbn.al]

Wait, we're in the same band?

I sure hope you don't play Eb.

[b.williams]

Your vintage three banger sounds like s _ _ _ !!! You f _ _ _ _ _ _ can't play in tune to save your G _ _ d _ _ f _ _ _ _ _ __ life!!!!!!!!! Learn how to play in tune or I will tear your f _ _ _ _ _ _ _ head off and s_ _ _ down your G _ _ d _ _ f _ _ _ _ _ _ throat!!!!!!


... Now I feel better...

One for posterity...

Never post when drunk or after a community band concert... or when drunk because of the community band concert...

[opus37]

I know you intend this post to be humorous or at least to point out a frustration, but I'm a community band guy. I play Eb. I'm likely not the guy you are referring to in your post because I work with a tuner to play in tune, I have a teacher/take lessons, and practice a lot. Yes, I have a few in-tune challenges, but I'm working on them. The beauty of community band is you have players from 10 to 90 with skill levels from beginner to professional. I know and have played with good players (technically) who have major tuning issues. I've found that most are willing to listen to suggestions for improvement and willing to make changes where necessary. Suggest a different mouthpiece, help them work with a tuner, suggest a specific repair be done, or use of a classic valve oil are all usually help in some way. Be patient, this is not supposed to be a professional performance. It supposed to be fun. My suggestion to you is don't get mad, work to make the bass section better.

[ghmerrill]

I feel your pain. Of course you probably know that if the Eb tuba player (Oops, see signature line) is the biggest problem, then you've got it pretty good. In the past I have played in a community band where the ONLY people playing in tune were the tubas, the euphonium, the first clarinet, and the third horn.

A lot of this has to do with the director -- who I think has a major responsibility in ensuring that people play in tune. This (surprise!) requires actually working on tuning in the practice sessions. Community band directors, in my experience, fall into two groups here. There are those who work constantly to ensure proper tuning and intonation, and there are those who throw up their hands and don't bother at all. Combine this with the fact that at least some of the players in such bands (if not a number of them) don't LIKE to "waste time on tuning" and just want to "play through the pieces", and you get what you get.

While it may work for you to try to "help out" someone like this, it also may just result in resentment and friction. That really depends on the particular case. And there may be insurmountable problems -- like when your first horn player is deaf and can't actually tell when he/she is playing in tune. But it truly is the DIRECTOR's responsibility to address this issue. If you think the director would be responsive to a request to start working on it, then approach him or her. However, if the situation is as you have described it, then my guess would be you have a director who falls into the second group and is just willing to let it pass. Then you have to live with it or change bands.

[bort]

Never post when drunk or after a community band concert... or when drunk because of the community band concert...

Next time, take the Eb player out for a beer (or five) after the concert...

[iiipopes]

Since so much of conventional communication relies on non-verbal cues, it is most difficult to express satire on a forum, even with emoticons. Therefore, the better option is to not.

[Mark]

I was asked to sub for a community orchestra for the dress and concert. The guy playing bass trombone had to be the worst bass trombone player I have ever heard he had no sense of pulse, he came in early or late or not at all, played too loudly when he did come in and I'm pretty sure not one note was in tune. After the concert, he told me that he thought I was out of tune on the last note. I wasn't, but with folks like that there is no point in arguing. The only solution is to never play with that ensemble again.

[b.williams]

I was asked to sub for a community orchestra for the dress and concert. The guy playing bass trombone had to be the worst bass trombone player I have ever heard he had no sense of pulse, he came in early or late or not at all, played too loudly when he did come in and I'm pretty sure not one note was in tune. After the concert, he told me that he thought I was out of tune on the last note. I wasn't, but with folks like that there is no point in arguing. The only solution is to never play with that ensemble again.

+100
I was subbing in his group too. I was moving my main tuning slide like a trombone slide. I also will never return.

[Eflatdoubler]

Good pitch goes a long way... I don't care how technically great a player is- if they can't play in tune it isn't worth it! I would hope if a group got to a certain level they would kindly address it with the person, or make them audition so as to not run off the good players. It only takes one to ruin things!

[opus37]

My experiences have been much more easy going than the ones posted here. Last night, I had a fellow tuba player say my Ab was flat. We tuned together and found it was his Ab to be off. We laughed and moved on. As for directors, most directors I have worked with go through a tuning note for the band then play a scale up and down listening for intonation. Regularly they take out a tuner and tune each person on Bb. There is a short discussion about tuning changing with temperature when we play outside. That's about it for tuning. So, it really leaves tuning of each note to be with each instrument section. I'm typically a regular player. I've not run into the player who ruins it for me or everyone else. I guess I'm lucky.

[ghmerrill]

... As for directors, most directors I have worked with go through a tuning note for the band then play a scale up and down listening for intonation. Regularly they take out a tuner and tune each person on Bb. There is a short discussion about tuning changing with temperature when we play outside. That's about it for tuning. ...

That's "about it" for tuning? Yeah, but that's a LOT more than is done in some (perhaps a lot of?) community bands (or New Horizon bands too). We do that as well (every practice), tuning on Bb and F, and warming up prior to the tuning. Then there may be tuning checks during the practice if something seems out of sorts. But I've played in more than one community music organization where tuning amounts to having the 1st clarinet (or oboe or trumpet or ...) blow what he/she thinks is probably a Bb and then everyone randomly "tunes to" that, and that's it. And you never stop during a run-through to check tuning or intonation -- no matter what it sounds like. The directors you've worked with are definitely in my "first group", and the performances of their organizations reflect the effort -- even if they sometimes have to turn a deaf ear to mumbled comments like "let's get going", "let's play through some pieces", "I don't like just sitting here while he's tuning the horn section", etc. The tuning practices of these organizations varies quite widely -- as do the abilities of the directors and players, of course.

Part of this, I came to believe a few years ago, depends on the overall philosophy of the "purpose" of the organization. If the focus is mainly a social one of getting together, having a good time "playing music", going out for snacks and beers, etc., then a fairly casual approach is taken to what the overall sound is and what a performance sounds like. If a big part of the focus is the performances and what is provided to an audience, then an entirely different approach is taken, and this involves serious work on tuning and intonation. Personally, I prefer the latter. But a lot of folks prefer the more social focus.

[Tom Coffey]

I can't help but think of a substitute bari sax player, working his first gig with a fairly well-established big band in which I was the bass player. He was young, still in college, and actually a very good player. He was the prototypical "jazzer," though, and peppered his conversations with "maaan" and other jazz idioms.
At the first intermission, the 15 of us were in the break room, all, of course, in identical black tuxes. The sub looked lonely, and I went over to start a conversation. When I asked how he liked the band, he said, "Aww, maaan, the bass trombone player is so completely out of tune, I'm losing my goddam mind." His next sentence, though, was the really funny one:

(wait for it)

"Aww, maaan, you're not the bass trombone player, are ya?"