Chinese Screwdriver (Tuba) Satire

[Matt Walters]

Has anyone tried Pittstown Screwdrivers (tubas)? I was browsing the web and saw Pittstown brand screwdrivers (tubas) from Boat Dock Freight. The price is really low. Can anyone tell me what town or factory in China that they were made in? How do I know if the shank is really made of a steel alloy? Has anyone checked them for radioactivity? What type of plastic are the handles actually made of? Is one material better than the other? To my eye, the cheaper screwdrivers (tubas) look just like the Kraftperson and Slap-on screwdrivers (tubas) that cost so much more.
I can’t see a difference so the rest of the world must just be imagining there is a difference. Is it possible they are all made in the same factory and I would just be paying for the name if I get the more expensive ones? They all say their screwdriver (tuba) is superior to the other guy’s screwdriver (tuba), so I am getting confused. Aren’t all screwdrivers (tubas) the same? How do I know which brand to get? What sizes do I need? Will I ever need the really big ones? What if I want to use them in a one man shop? Do I need smaller ones for the “solo” work? I was hoping to work in a big shop (orchestra) one day so should I just get a really big screwdriver (tuba) now? What color handle should I get and does it really make a difference in how the screwdriver (tuba) responds?
I don’t want to spend more than the minimum amount of money but want to be the best mechanic (tubist) there ever was without actually putting the time and money into learning the trade of being a mechanic (tubist). I mean, anyone can turn a screwdriver (play a tuba), right? Can someone please validate my opinion that the people who spend more for their tools (tubas) are just stupid? I’m obviously smarter and more talented than anyone I personally know. So if I can’t tell a difference, there is no difference. Right?
Signed,
All Screwed Up


Happy Thanksgiving TubeNet. Post and Flame away gang but don’t let Bloke have the final post.

[Matt Walters]

Dear All Screwed Up,
They don’t all come out of the same factory. There are indeed different levels of quality in screwdrivers (tubas) but not all people will benefit from a more expensive screwdriver (tuba). If you only mechanic (play tuba) for fun, buy the cheaper (but not cheapest) screwdrivers (tuba) that feel(s) good to you. Save your money for other things in life that you may value more. Remember, people will always afford what the value the most. If being a mechanic (tubist) gives you great pleasure or you make money doing it, then buy the best you can afford that will make it easier to have fun or do your job. Make sure the screwdriver set (tuba) fits you and will work for what you expect to fixing (playing) most often. You can always buy another screwdriver (tuba) at a later date if your needs change. Sometimes screwdrivers (tubas) break. Buying from your local dealer can save you the shipping expense of returning the screwdriver (tuba) for warranty repair. If you'll have to ship it no matter what, go for the lowest price on a brand (dealer) that will offer you warranty. To your last question; it would be arrogance on your part to assume that others can’t benefit from a screwdriver (tuba) built to a higher level of manufacturing than what you can sense. I also consider it arrogant for a great mechanic (tubist) to insist that every other mechanic (tubist) they know use the same screwdriver set (tuba) that they like.

[bisontuba]

I think Matt is ready for the Holiday season horn buying madness at the store
Happy Thanksgiving!
Mark

[Bill Troiano]

Happy Thanksgiving, Matt, to you and Cathy. I'll see you DC this Feb. We shall have a beer!!

[Tabor]

Before buying any screwdriver, apprentice mechanics entering a training program should talk to their supervising mechanic instructor.

[iiipopes]

Hang in there, Matt! Thanks for the satire - it gave me a chuckle.

[The Big Ben]

Midlevel student mechanics should probably buy used screwdrivers of a known quality brand rather than take a chance on shiny new screwdrivers of unknown parentage. If the prospective mechanic decides to become a stockbroker instead to a mechanic, the screwdrivers could be sold for the price that they were purchased. The new screwdrivers of uncertain parentage most likely would have gone down in value and should most probably be sold for scrap where they can be sent back across the Pacific and be sent back as more new screwdrivers.

[Three Valves]

This town has gone to hell since they closed the screwdriver forge and off-shored it.

But even that wasn't as bad as the Hipsters who moved into the factory after it was turned into condos.

[Arthur]

But be sure to join our Boat Dock upsiders club where for only 30$/year we will ensure you get 40-50 pictures a month of all our screwdrivers. Members also get a coupon good for a free screwdriver polishing cloth every 6 weeks

[ghmerrill]

Well, as anyone knows who's tried to buy a good screwdriver recently, they're pretty much impossible to find in local stores, and it's even a bit hard to get them on trial from places like Brownell's.

After a lot of hand-wringing and considering my own requirements, I did end up buying one of those Chinese-made things on the low-cost end of the scale. I just couldn't see spending three times a much for the "higher-end" Chinese ones, and I couldn't afford the even higher-end American, Japanese, British, etc. ones.

Aside from a couple of minor issues (which I could correct myself) and one other that the vendor seems to be handling well, it seems to be quite well made, and I can't complain about the fit and finish. I do plan to replace one of the parts on it after the holidays (since I need to use it a lot over the next couple of weeks), but I'd almost certainly do that anyway on a lot of the higher-end ones I might have bought. People say it will "open it up" and "make it easier" to use, especially for certain jobs.

I might end up getting a higher quality ... er ... screwdriver some time in the future (I used to have a really high quality one about 20 years ago), but for the foreseeable future, this one seems quite adequate, and the low cost allowed me to buy a number of the necessary accessories to use with it.

So I'm happy with my choice, though I'm with Matt in not recommending this approach to everyone.

[Dan Schultz]

I like German screwdrivers. (Which are probably made in China, anyway!)

[ghmerrill]

The very best screwdrivers I have are a pair of #1 and #2 Phillips Craftsman (Made in America) drivers. Hardened hexagonal shanks and black plastic (sort of oval-shaped) handles. I bought them at least 25 years ago in the Sears Store in Cary, NC (which just closed this past year). I just can't find adequate replacements for them. On the other hand, they don't really need to be replaced. But a few years ago I tried to find flat-blade drivers like them -- and couldn't.

[southtubist]

I need a screwdriver to tighten some of my loose screws. Actually, my loose screws are really bolts. I need an impact wrench to put myself back together.

On the subject of Chinese tubas, no Chinese tuba will ever surpass my Alex or MW F. I'm an elitist and I'm proud. Screw political correctness!

[bort]

I wanted an American screwdriver, but in my key, you can only get the Canstool brand ones... yawn...

Looks like I'll be buying German ones.

PS, for real, shitty Chinese hand tools are the worst. I told my wife I wanted some tools for Christmas, and made it clear that for a given amount of money, I'd rather have one good American tool than a box full of Chinese tools. Buy it nice or buy it twice.

[roweenie]

PS, for real, shitty Chinese hand tools are the worst. I told my wife I wanted some tools for Christmas, and made it clear that for a given amount of money, I'd rather have one good American tool than a box full of Chinese tools. Buy it nice or buy it twice.

+1

"If you need a tool and don’t buy it, then you will ultimately find that you have paid for it and don’t have it." - Henry Ford

[Mark E. Chachich]

I think that the best screwdrivers must be Russian (vodka) assembled in Florida (orange juice).

Thank you Matt!
have a Happy Thanksgiving!

[iiipopes]

I that the best screwdrivers must be Russian (vodka) assembled in Florida (orange juice).

Thank you Matt!
have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Especially when they are "ice-tempered" and "plated" with a slice of lemon!

[Three Valves]

I think that the best screwdrivers must be Russian (vodka) assembled in Florida (orange juice).

Thank you Matt!
have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Everyone knows that Polish vodka is better that any Russian vodka.

[PaulMaybery]

I have a tool chest filled with 100 year old American screwdrivers, pliers, hammers and wrenches that have been used by old 'hammer mechanics' from generations back. They were made all over the country by various tool mills, but it seems that the time period that they were made dictated more of the quality than the location. Likewise I have had a garage full of American made, (musical tools ... eh... I suppose you could call them screwdrivers). They don't make them like they used to. And in a way I am thankful for that. Having taken most of them apart for repair, the level of workmanship that was revealed was not all that great. Joints were poorly cut and fitted and assembly was shoddy and inconsistent. For the most part they had a certain sturdiness due to rather heavy engineering, but they were not at all that ergonomic, choice of metal and alloys not as advanced as a modern "tool" and really rather quirky when it came to actually using them. While there are 'shitty screwdrivers' imported from 'over there,' perhaps it is because they know some of us will foolishly by a 'cheap shitty screwdriver,' because it is cheap, and we are not looking at it as a long time purchase. On the other hand, historically, many of those foreign "tool makers" have realized an upgrade market and have entered it with a premium product. We saw this with the automobile industry, and then with technology, and eventually with orchestral "screw drivers". Me thinks some of us prefer that our foreign "imports" still come from Europe and feel a certain strangeness with the "East." Me also thinks that the "East" is giving some competition to the "West" as it did with the autos and that better screwdrivers may eventually start coming from theses shores again. Optimism? Perhaps. Until then, whether foolish or wise, I will carefully choose my "screwdrivers" and yes affordability will be a factor as much as the location, be it the traditional American or German, of from an alternative source. Since most of us do not support our 'livelihood' by using that 'one and only premium grade' "screwdriver", me thinks it unrealistic and perhaps a bit unwise to have to invest our livelihood to purchase it and be a 'one tool mechanic'. I need to use a 'screwdriver'... actually several, that enhance my work, and not spend my life looking for the one that rises above others criticism.

[PaulMaybery]

Rumours???? Who? Where? When???? I am experiencing "anticipatory lust." That is if there is such a malady. Why the wait???