Musical Terms for Those Without Music Degrees

[Dan Schultz]

Obbligato - being forced to practice
Con Moto - yeah baby, I have a car
Allegro - a little car
Metronome - short, city musician who can fit into a Honda Civic
Lento - the days leading up to Easto
Largo - beer brewed in Germany or the Florida Keys
Piu Animato - clean out the cat's litter box
Interval - time to meet the other players at the bar
Perfect Interval - when the drinks are on the house
Cantabile - singing while drunk
Con Spirito - drunk again
Colla Voce - this shirt is so tight I can't sing
Improvisation - what you do when the music falls down
Prelude - warm-up before the clever stuff
Flats - English apartments
Chords - things organists play with one finger
Dischords - things that organists play with two fingers
Suspended Chords - useful for lynching the vocalist
Syncopation - bowel condition brought on by an overdose of jazz
Time Signatures - things for drummers to ignore
Virtuoso - a person who can work wonders with easy-play music
Professional - anyone who can't hold down a steady job
Melody - an ancient, now almost completely extinct art in songwriting
and
1. Klavierstück - A term used by German furniture movers attempting to get
a piano through a narrow doorway.
2. Music stand - An intricate device used to hold music. It comes in two
sizes - too high or too low - and always broken.
3. Aria - The product of multiplying a soprano's length by her width.
4. Tonic - A medicinal drink consumed in great quantities before a
performance, and in greater quantities after a performance.
5. Dominant - What parents must be if they expect their children to practice.
6. Concert Hall - A place where large audiences gather, for the sole
purpose of removing the paper wrappings from their candy.

and even more
Soto voco - singing while drunk
Agogic - playing high enough on an oboe to make the eyes bulge
Cadenza - slapping noise on office furniture
Estompé - proper technique for playing an accordion
Fandango - grabbing the pull chain on the ceiling fan
Prima volta - jump start with a battery
Quattro - spreadsheet music
Refrain - proper technique for playing bagpipes
Schietto - the junior high band
Smorzando - with melted chocolate & marshmallow

[windshieldbug]

You mean "retrocrescendo" (for those who must have their morning serial)

[Kevin Hendrick]

3. Aria - The product of multiplying a soprano's length by her width.

That would be her cross-sectional aria, yes? (and maybe her square footage for tax purposes?)

[Shockwave]

3. Aria - The product of multiplying a soprano's length by her width.

That would be her cross-sectional aria, yes? (and maybe her square footage for tax purposes?)

I think it's the surface area that's important for taxonomy.

-Eric

[Kevin Hendrick]

3. Aria - The product of multiplying a soprano's length by her width.

That would be her cross-sectional aria, yes? (and maybe her square footage for tax purposes?)

I think it's the surface area that's important for taxonomy.

-Eric

Sounds right to me!

[MartyNeilan]

Let us not forget Percy Grainger and his contribution of "Blue Eyed English" musical terms...

[ken k]

Moving to a somewhat tangent-but-very-related topic, there are some "musical" terms that I've only heard come out of the mouths of school band directors. The first one that comes to mind is

decrescendo

Though this is a real word and a legitimate Italian musical term as well, it seems (in the American realm) to me to be a bit "redneck" when juxtaposed with the favored

diminuendo

bloke "Both words effectively translate to 'decreasing', but DEcrescendo literally translates to 'un-growing' ."

I only tell the baritone horns to decrescendo; everyone else (especially the euphoniums), diminuendo.

ken k

[Joe Baker]

...so for me, with my 3-front-valve, bell-front, lacquered brass Ameri-bari-tone, what would you say?


Stifle!!!
__________________________________________

Heck, I figured somebody'd have put these up here by now, but since they haven't:

HILLBILLY MUSICAL TERMS

Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels
Relative Major -- Your uncle in the Marine Corps
Relative Minor -- Your girlfriend
Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer glass!"
Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but....
Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
Tempo -- Poor choice for a used car
Transposition -- One o' them men who wears dresses
Common Time -- At the county jail, not the penn
Cut Time -- Parole
Order of Sharps -- What a sissy gets at the bar
Middle C-- The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low
Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
Absolute pitch -- Power failure in the concert hall.
Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes
Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year
Clef -- What you try never to fall off of
Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off
Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes"
12-Tone Scale --The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with
Quarter Tone -- What mama weighs, since she went on that diet!
First Inversion -- What your Relative Major did in Iraq
Cello -- The jiggly stuff aunt LuElla always brings to the family reunion.
Bassoon -- Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when
Bossa Nova -- The car your foreman drives
Time Signature -- What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in
Key Change -- What your wife does to the locks when she catches you with your Relative Minor
Staccato -- How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home
Bach Chorale -- The place behind the barn where you keep the horses

and, of course,

Tuba -- A compound word; a cylindrical container pinched closed at one end, with
a cap on the other: "Hey, darlin'! Fetch me another tuba Brylcreem!"
_________________________________
Joe Baker, who is happily transplanted into hillbilly-land!

[windshieldbug]

...so for me, with my 3-front-valve, bell-front, lacquered brass Ameri-bari-tone, what would you say?


Stifle!!!

(or for a section)

Stifle Yaselfses!!!

[Daryl Fletcher]

Intonation -- Singing through one's nose. Considered highly desirable in the Middle Ages

Here's more: http://www.ahajokes.com/msic2.html