SAPS

[Haugan]

The Sousaphone Artists Preservation Society (SAPS) are considering holding auditions for posts within it's orginization for the first time in it's 33 year history.

In the past, appointment and nepotism were considered vital to maintaining the secrecy the orginization required to meet it's original mission statement, and with the proclamation of "Mission Nearly Accomplished" as of June 10, 2000, the SAPS have looked for a way to open it's membership to the general public.

Musical Positions within the Saps include: World's Greatest Sousaphonist, World's Greatest Sousaphone Artist, World's Oldest Sousaphonist, Worlds Biggest Sousaphone Artist Performer, World's Heaviest Sousaphonist, Intergallactic Sousaphone and Tuba Artist Performer/Champion, and World's Farthest Electric Bass Throwing Champion. Vacancies exist in several of the above-listed positions, and if you can do a better job than an employee or titleholder we currently have, let us know! We'de be more than happy to take you on.

Federal Child Labor Laws and the rules of "TubeNet's" host don't allow posting audition information regarding "World's Smallest/Youngest Sousaphone Artist" or some of SAPS more lucrative positions, but for a mere sum of: $1.oo ($3.50 Canadian) Or 2 Euros Or a sufficiently used or damaged tuba mouthpiece, you will be kept updated on the internet via the "SAPS Blatt", Saps official news source.

"SAPS BLATT" - All the tuba news that's fit to print, alot that isn't and tons of stuff NOBODY should care about."

Send $$$ or mouthpieces to: {Paul Haugan, Treasurer, SAPS, 6226 N. 106th St., Milwaukee, WI 53225 U.S.A.} Be sure to enclose a short note explaining where you would like your bribe or money directed.



** Pension, Medical, Dental, and Psychiatric Services are negotiable with all SAPS positions. Tenure or tenure-track positions are not offered, and job security is subject to regular Darwinistic review. SAPS reserves the right to take whatever means necessary to maintain the quality and integrity of it's membership. Saps is an equal opportunity employer. Beware of imitations of this lucrative one-time offer!

[Sean Greene]

Harrumph!!!

[Haugan]

Q. - What is the difference between Old Tubenet and New Tubenet?

A. - Old Tubenet burns better.
_____________________________________________________
Seriously, As a neophyte internettest, internetter, innternettist, websurfer or whatever I am; I am not privy to, or understand the difference between old and new tubenet aside from format. I would welcome an education; though not the "out behind the barn" variety that the majority of yous guys would probably relish giving me.

I think some flaming may be in order.

[LoyalTubist]

Where do I put in for FLIRTIEST TUBA PLAYER?

[LoyalTubist]

Where do I put in for FLIRTIEST TUBA PLAYER?

I withdraw my nomination for myself.



I owe it to her.

[windshieldbug]

Well... I have to put myself in for "tuba player who can hit the broad side of a moutain" ...

[Haugan]

The mountains in Delaware qualify you for a position of greater accuracy......

[windshieldbug]

The mountains in Delaware qualify you for a position of greater accuracy......

I will admit, even a trumpet player could hit Mt. Pocono...

[LoyalTubist]

Years ago, I took a short stint as an English translator in Ecuador. The newswires from AP and UPI arrived in South America in Spanish. Originally, they were in English. My job was to translate them back into English to be heard on English language broadcasts in South America. Got that?

Anyway, in those days, when you flew into Marsical Sucre Airport in Quito, as you hit the runway, there was a huge pile of crashed jetliners, stacked neatly. No one will talk about it but it made me feel sick to my stomach.