Your Daily Paraprosdokian

ken k · Post by **ken k** » Wed Jul 13, 2011 11:27 am

time flies like an arrow...
fruit flies like bananas....

Kevin Hendrick · Post by **Kevin Hendrick** » Wed Jul 13, 2011 12:40 pm

Donn wrote:If at first you don't succeed, maybe skydiving is not for you.

You don't really need a parachute to skydive -- you only need it to skydive twice.

tubbba · Post by **tubbba** » Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:53 pm

Two wrongs don't make a right. But, three lefts do.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:42 pm

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
- Ronald Reagan.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:56 pm

Maybe it's true that hard work never killed anybody. But why take the chance?

big_blue_tubist · Post by **big_blue_tubist** » Thu Jul 14, 2011 5:28 pm

"I’m not a Republican… but I am saving up to be one"

-Emo Philips

ken k · Post by **ken k** » Fri Jul 15, 2011 10:39 am

We drive on a park way and park in a driveway...

The Jackson · Post by **The Jackson** » Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:45 pm

Doc wrote:I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I would imagine that the exchange rate would make it a very complicated affair (not to mention the time difference).

TheHatTuba · Post by **TheHatTuba** » Mon Jul 18, 2011 8:04 pm

If i agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

tbn.al · Post by **tbn.al** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 5:35 pm

I know her! I really do! She lives across the street. She's got tattoos too.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Jul 22, 2011 5:29 pm

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

k001k47 · Post by **k001k47** » Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:44 pm

One of the few instances one can be sure of doing the right thing:
performing pushups and one's gut inhibits a full range of motion.

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Thu Jul 28, 2011 5:29 pm

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:14 am

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Mark Twain: A man carrying a cat by the tail will learn something that can be learned in no other way.

Teubonium · Post by **Teubonium** » Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:13 pm

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

Teubonium · Post by **Teubonium** » Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:15 pm

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

Donn · Post by **Donn** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:42 am

Know how to make a dead cat float?

Try root beer, two scoops of dead cat.

Teubonium · Post by **Teubonium** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:52 pm

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Teubonium · Post by **Teubonium** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:53 pm

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by
those who got there first.

Mojo workin' · Post by **Mojo workin'** » Sat Oct 08, 2011 12:29 pm

On the other hand, you've got four fingers and a thumb.

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