Trouble at mill!

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 4:46 pm

We can bury her, burn her, or dump her.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 6:42 pm

Bring outcher dead!

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 8:51 pm

MartyNeilan wrote:We can bury her, burn her, or dump her.

Dump her?

Yes, dump her in the Thames.

Well, I don't really...

Did you like her?

Why, yes...

Okay, we won't dump her, then.

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 4:03 pm

Still no sign of land.

How long is it?

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 4:47 pm

MartyNeilan wrote:Still no sign of land.

How long is it?

That's a rather personal question sir!

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 4:48 pm

EEeewwwwwwwwwwwww! With a gammy leg!?!

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 7:55 pm

Brassdad wrote:EEeewwwwwwwwwwwww! With a gammy leg!?!

There's plenty of good meat here- look at this arm!

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:53 pm

Look... are you insinuating something?

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:57 pm

(What's it like?)

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:03 pm

Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world. The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our oesophagus, the guard's van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? It's over there in a box. Shunt is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is the same only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew his sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 11:46 pm

I had been running a successful escort agency -- high class, no really, high class girls -- we didn't have any of *that* -- that was right out. So I decided to open a high class night club for the gentry at Biggleswade with International cuisine and cooking and top line acts, and not a cheap clip joint for picking up tarts -- that was right out, I deny that completely --, and one evening in walks Dinsdale with a couple of big lads, one of whom was carrying a tactical nuclear missile. They said I had bought one of their fruit machines and would I pay for it? They wanted three quarters of a million pounds. I thought about it and decided not to go to the Police as I had noticed that the lad with the thermonuclear device was the chief constable for the area. So a week later they called again and told me the cheque had bounced and said... I had to see... Doug. Well, I was terrified. Everyone was terrified of Doug. I've seen grown men pull their own heads off rather than see Doug. Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug. He used... sarcasm. He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and... satire. He was vicious.

TMurphy · Post by **TMurphy** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:51 pm

....but you try and tell that to young people today, and they won't believe you!!

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:44 am

Better....

Better get a bucket. I'm going to throw up.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:45 am

Well I now have the results here of the interviews and the aptitude tests that you took last week, and from them we've built up a pretty clear picture of the sort of person that you are. And I think I can say, without fear of contradiction, that the ideal job for you is chartered accountancy.

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:00 pm

the elephant wrote:Thin mint, sir?

<a><img src="http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii31 ... -creo2.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

F**off! I'm full!

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:03 pm

the elephant wrote:But it is only wafer thin â€¦

Oh, alright.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:00 pm

Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas... assaulted! peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho.

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:09 pm

the elephant wrote:This one is a bit more obscure.

Wenn ist das NunstrÃ¼ck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

This new joke was over 60 times more powerful than Britan's great pre-war joke...

<img src="http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii31 ... rlain2.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket">

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 5:48 am

Hitler: My dog has no nose.

Crowd: How does it smell?

Hitler: Terrible!

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:12 am

Die ist ein Kinnerhunder und zwei Mackel uber und der bitte schon ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie. 'Nein' sprecht der Herren 'Ist aufern borger mit zveitingen'.